Monday, October 16, 2006

Liberals Explained - Using their own words

What Liberal Bumper Stickers really mean Liberals don’t own Dictionaries

and are largely immune to irony.

Liberals think they are Magical Wizards

or special in some other way

but Regardless of why Liberals think they are special,

Liberals always take pride in their beliefs

just as they would a new pair of designer jeans.

Liberals love being in on a fad before everyone else

because it makes them feel trendy and up to date.

and proves to everyone they are a worthy

to be part of a special and courageous ideological Vanguard

and believe that those who disagree with them are NOT worthy

because they are stupid.

Liberals won’t die for Freedom

do not own a History Book

and don’t know anything about the American Revolutionary War, The Civil War, or WWII

and therefore believe that wars never accomplish anything.

and would be far happier of all the Jews were dead, blacks were enslaved, and we all lived under British Rule

Liberals don’t even know the number of deaths that should be expected in a war.

or that wars in the past have involved multiple aligned countries.

Liberals are too morally superior to fight fire with fire

because it never leads to anything good

except, of course, when it involves racism

(because White people are by Liberal definition evil racists)

(and are therefore culpable for the crimes of their ancestors, even if they themselves have never done any harm)

Liberals can’t tell the difference between science and religion

and believe churches and schools fundamentally perform the same functions.

Liberals think faith is incompatible with reason

but they often confuse the two concepts.

(see?)

that is, when they understand the concepts at all.

Liberals don’t understand the 1st amendment

and therefore don’t believe anyone who has a religious opinion should be allowed to hold office.

In fact, Liberals think anyone who holds religious opinions should be silent

and that the 1st amendment means the government shouldrepress expression of religious sentiments

Liberals also think the 1st amendment means they may be as offensive as they want to be.

But that may simply be because they are in league with the devil,

or have a simpler moral code.

Liberals are proud of their ideological indoctrination programs

(see?)

and find the Idea of teaching alongside conservatives intimidating…

Because they know that the teaching of Liberal Dogma is incompatible with education

and conservatives make it difficult to cling to leftist ideology in the face of blatantly obvious facts.

The products of liberal indoctrination can’t spell

but Liberals believe Self-esteem based on undeserved praise is all a child needs to succeed.

Liberals often think they live on Star Trek

Where resources are made free by transporters and replicators

and where they are citizens of a world-wide government.

(see?)

Which is why they think they are being patriotic

when they use their American freedoms

to undermine the efforts of the United States against an enemy.

In Fact, Liberals see American Patriotism as a problem

caused by conservatives.

Besides, the United States is just like Nazi Germany.

Liberals often pretend to represent others

or pretend that they represent the American Way

When in actuality, they are directly opposed to the system the Founding Fathers Built.

Of Course, Liberals use a different Moral Standard for the United States than what they use for other nations

and they see themselves in, and therefore sympathize with, the terrorists, despots and murderers world wide.

After all, Liberals are uniquely enlightened human beings

who will reflexively condone any evil, be it Despotism, Slavery, Torture, Rape or Genocide

in order to avoid letting their name be associated with War.

(They sleep better at night knowing they are only indirectly culpable for what goes on in the world)

Liberals believe Peace Is the natural state

And that all conflicts are therefore premeditated and avoidable.

Liberals don’t understand the effect of incentives

and believe the real enemy is an emotion

that can be easily defeated by a well orchestrated leaflet campaign

(art projects always make Liberals relax)

Ironically, freely expressed art causes our enemies

to riot and burn down buildings.

Liberals believe moral authority will win over military power in a conflict

Even when others in the world don’t share that morality.

Liberals believe that if they imagine hard enough, enemies will simply disappear

but know Appeasement and Surrender will always work to end hostilities shoud thier imaginations fail.

Of course, if the President disagrees with this plan, then the President is an idiot

Likewise, if the Majority disagrees, then the majority of people are idiots

Of course, Liberals see no reason to submit to Majority rule

But then, I am not sure Liberals even understand what Majority means (No Dictionaries remember?)

Besides, liberals believe their morals to be superior to the will of the majority anyway.

And believe that overturning laws passed by the majority

is a valid exercise of their personal freedom.

Liberals like debate

as long as it’s not Liberal Ideas being debated

Liberals believe risk-free recreational sex

is a Constitutional right,

as a liberal’s highest calling in life is having a good time.

Liberals are often confused by cause and effect,

and do not see any difference between a criminal convicted of a violent crime and an innocent fetus

and are therefore proud of themselves when they avoid the consequences of risky sex by killing their unborn child.

(though oddly Liberals frown on other people killing for recreational purposes )

Besides, just because a Liberal killed her baby doesn’t mean you have to kill yours….

Liberals think a fetus is just part of their body

that they cannot be forced to care for

but balk at legally giving a man a choice about using the labor of his body

to feed and clothe a child for 18 years.

Liberals freely label anyone who disagrees with them a Hater.

Like the Pope.

Or Condi Rice.

Republicans in General

and of course those who question the propriety of Gay Marriage

In fact liberals beleive anyone who disagrees with them is an immoral, intolerant, war-monger who is

cynically manipulated by others to be

too mean and selfish

to think or care about others

which is the only possible reason anyone would ever disagree with a Liberal

Consequently, Liberals want the Government to act as a Parent

And legislate

where people can shop

where they can build a house

What they can eat

(and how much)

What they can wear

And how many lights they can turn on what kind of car they can drive

what fuels they can use

and what fuels they can’t

(often without realizing where certain forms of energy come from)

Liberals want to legislate where companies can hire

what wage they will pay

and what benefits they will provide.

Liberals want to dictate what is acceptable entertainment

who can provide it

and how it can be provided

Liberals wish to decide which recreational Drugs will be available

and where they may be used.

Liberals wish to control how pretty someone can be (wasn’t that the reasoning behind burkas?)

Or even what will be considered beautiful in the first place

They wish to decide which relationships will be judged acceptable

what religious beliefs will be acceptable

and what thoughts are acceptable

It goes without saying a good Govern mental parent wouldn’t let its children play with guns.

In short, liberals think citizens are more Free when the Government makes their decisions for them,

as long as its liberals making the decisions.

Of course, Any resentment or opposition to these ideas must be because the Liberals are so much better

Liberals are very generous

with other people’s money

especially since it’s much easier to take wealth from others than to work yourself.

Liberals think it really sucks that people who don’t work don’t earn any money

and therefore believe a Barter system is really the way to go

Liberals think they should free of all the constraints and consequences

imposed upon them by reality

and the society in which they live

Of course, when reality turns out to not operate the way Liberal’s expect

or if the majority does not approve of they way they behave

Liberals blame the conservatives.

or invent their own reality.

Some liberals distort their reality to the point where pets

are equivalent to human children

and see it as a distinguishing factor that makes them better people

Some liberals believe Animals have the same rights as humans

and deserve the same protections

or better ones when you consider the unborn.

Some Liberals even believe that Dogs have political opinions

( but they may just be under the direct mind control of their pets)

In any case, they are sure they are superior to most.

But then

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