The common mistake most conservatives make when talking to Liberals is assuming they are communicating with another Adult. This is fundamentally the reason most debates with Liberals not only fail, but fail utterly.
Liberals are people who are stuck on age 13. Like most teenagers they are convinced they know everything, and are obsessed with being perceived as being part of the “in” crowd. Like teenagers, they have the expectation that some parental authority will be in control of their entire environment, protect them from their own stupidity, and tell them what to do, while simultaneously believing they have the right to rebel against that authority when it suits them. Like teenagers, they are prone to make every issue a huge emotional drama, and fly in a rage with name calling and tears at the “unfairness” of the various events that occur in their lives. In short, they believe its all about them.
All of this must be kept in mind when talking to a liberal. When a Liberal asserts that they believe in “helping people”, that they “care”, or that they support ABC program, or oppose XYZ program, they are NOT looking for any sort of intellectual discussion of the subject. What they ARE looking for is validation they are accepted and perceived as “good person.” Just as a teenager looking for acceptance will wear the “right” clothes, say they like the “right” music, and will use the “right” slang, a liberal will have the “right” political opinions. To a liberal the word “right” means that they are Fabulous, it has nothing to do with the accuracy of their facts or logic. Liberals spend as little time pondering the reality behind their beliefs as a teenager does pondering why a certain brand of shoes happens to be popular at the moment.
Liberal beliefs are integrated into their egos: They believe that are good people because they believe the “right” things, just as teenagers seek to be popular by liking the “right” things. Consequently, Liberals respond to contrary opinions as teenagers respond to the geek who shows up at school with the “wrong” clothes: with contempt and name-calling. They will either attempt to make the individual conform to their system of belief, or ostracize the non-fabulous individual from their midst for reminding them that there are those who do not value the things that they value. (I swear Liberals were the inspiration for the pod people in Invasion of the Body Snatchers)
Fundamentally, it comes down to a difference in values and needs. A Child values security and craves acceptance and love. As we grow and experience, we gradually learn that the world and nature are a harsh and uncontrolled place, and learn to accept that there are some things we can control and some things we cannot. We learn that some decisions lead to disastrous consequences, while others lead to prosperity. We learn what activities we like and what we dislike. We learn to value independence and freedom, and learn that those benefits come at a price of accepting personal responsibility. As teenagers, we are trying to let go of the values of our childhood and trying to embrace those of a responsible adult. However, when that process is arrested you get a rather inconsistent combination of values as is demonstrated in the following table:
| Liberal Value | Conservative Value |
| Freedom: the relinquishment of personal accountability for “communal” responsibility (If we are not all quiet, no one is going to recess) | Freedom: allowing individuals to take risks, make their own decisions, and pay the consequences or reap the rewards of those actions. |
| Responsibility: Protecting the people from Risk and bad decisions as a parent would | Responsibility: Allowing individuals to make their own decisions, take their own risks and pay/reap the consequences |
| Equality: ensuring everyone has the same end result (I hope you brought enough for everyone) | Equality: ensuring that laws apply to everyone equally |
| Human Rights: providing benefits to one group at the expense of another group. | Human Rights : personal freedoms that must be protected from government encroachment. |
| Diversity: The use of government force to ensure the others have, exhibit and practice the sorts of attitudes and beliefs that are “politically correct” | Diversity: allowing people to choose their own attitudes and beliefs |
| Freedom of Speech : The ability to use one’s own voice to drown out the free expression of another’s | Freedom of Speech : The ability to use ones own voice to express one’s own opinion, while being respectful of others right to speak. |
| Empathy: “Feeling For others” by substituting personal beliefs, values and perceptions about a situation for those of another person. | Empathy: Trying to understand the personal beliefs, values and perceptions about a situation of another person while setting aside your own. |
| Compassion: Using funds seized by force to pay for charitable causes | Compassion: Individual, voluntary act of personal sacrifice for another |
| Opportunity: Providing benefits and special rights to one group at the expense of another group | Opportunity: Allowing individuals to make their own benefits through education, hard work and perseverance. |
| Fairness: Taking things from those who act with personal responsibility and giving them to those who do not. | Fairness: Letting each individual reap what they sow. |
| Merit: Deserving of a benefit or opportunity because of your race, gender, or income. | Merit: Deserving of a benefit because of personal qualities such as intelligence, character, or work-ethic. |
It should be obvious that Liberal Values and Ideas of government revolve around the sort of rules one would find in Grade school.
1) Listen Carefully & Follow Directions
2) Always Share
3) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
4) Work and Play Safely
These are all fine rules… for a grade school class of developing children. Children in grade school rely on adults to ensure that the rules are followed, that they are kept safe, that they learn to get along, that their needs are met. Fair treatment in a grade school class means that everyone should get a cupcake and everyone should get a chance to play with the classroom toys, largely because the children are as yet unable to deal with their emotions and disappointments as an adult would.
Normally those Kids eventually learn self reliance, self sufficiency, and personal responsibility and grow into useful members of society. A liberal, however, remains stunted in their emotional and intellectual growth, such that they expect the grade-school rules to apply long after they have grown up. They look around them and see some people with toys they don’t have, and cupcakes they are not sharing, and look for some surrogate “teacher” to make things “fair”, make sure people don’t run with the scissors, and make sure that everyone “gets along.”
Liberals simply can’t accept a way of life in which everyone makes their own decisions about how to get by in a world without guarantees. They want a safe haven, rules that prevent the taking of risks, and their share of the pie (without the requirement of actually having to participate in Making the pie.. obviously its there for the taking). Liberals can be identified early as they are the children who do not understand the Kindergarten stories of “the Little Red Hen” or “the Ant and the Grasshopper.” Liberals fundamentally believe that those who do little or no work and take few risks should derive the same benefits as the people who do, because that would be “fair”. And it is… in the Kindergarten sense of the word where you have to deal with children too emotionally underdeveloped to deal with the harsh realites and unfairness of real life.
In REAL LIFE people are born with different abilities, to parents of different abilities, practicing different cultures with different values and goals. The Founding Fathers knew (Federalist 10) that Freedom and Fate would lead to differences in income and lifestyle, desires and needs. They knew different individuals, with different abilities, different desires, and different amounts of luck, would make different choices and take different risks, and consequently end up with different results. LIFE isn’t fair. It never has been and it never will be. But a liberal will tell you that they have the supreme knowledge to sit in judgment on each individual and decide what that person deserves. They do this either by assuming every other person in the world is just like them, and/or by looking at characteristics that a Kindergartner would be aware of – like skin color or gender. Thus, if they see a White man with a Cup Cake and a Black Man without a Cupcake, it must be because the White man didn’t share his cupcake with the black man. (It goes without saying that EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD WANTS A CUPCAKE) Thus the surfer dude that chooses to surf 12 hours a day and work a minimum wage job to get by is deserving of some of the benefits derived by a person who attended 12 years of college and works 80 hours a week. The things liberals value (like cupcakes) become the yardsticks of “fairness”, and the things they don’t value (like hard work) are not integrated into the equation. IN real life, Not everybody has the same goals, and not everybody likes cupcakes. Real Life is simply far too complex for any Societal organization to weigh the millions of needs and wants of every individual and derive something that is “fair” for all of them. This is why Communism fails. This is why liberals are often communist.
posted by Weisshaupt at 3:39 PM
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Liberals don’t own Dictionaries
and are largely immune to irony.
Liberals think they are Magical Wizards
or special in some other way
but Regardless of why Liberals think they are special, 
Liberals always take pride in their beliefs
just as they would a new pair of designer jeans.
Liberals love being in on a fad before everyone else
because it makes them feel trendy and up to date.
and proves to everyone they are a worthy 
to be part of a special and courageous ideological Vanguard 
and believe that those who disagree with them are NOT worthy
because they are stupid.
Liberals won’t die for Freedom
do not own a History Book
and don’t know anything about the American Revolutionary War, The Civil War, or WWII
and therefore believe that wars never accomplish anything.
and would be far happier of all the Jews were dead, blacks were enslaved, and we all lived under British Rule
Liberals don’t even know the number of deaths that should be expected in a war. 
or that wars in the past have involved multiple aligned countries. 
Liberals are too morally superior to fight fire with fire 
because it never leads to anything good
except, of course, when it involves racism
(because White people are by Liberal definition evil racists) 
(and are therefore culpable for the crimes of their ancestors, even if they themselves have never done any harm)
Liberals can’t tell the difference between science and religion 
and believe churches and schools fundamentally perform the same functions.
Liberals think faith is incompatible with reason
but they often confuse the two concepts.
(see?)
that is, when they understand the concepts at all. 
Liberals don’t understand the 1st amendment
and therefore don’t believe anyone who has a religious opinion should be allowed to hold office. 
In fact, Liberals think anyone who holds religious opinions should be silent 
and that the 1st amendment means the government shouldrepress expression of religious sentiments
Liberals also think the 1st amendment means they may be as offensive as they want to be.
But that may simply be because they are in league with the devil,
or have a simpler moral code. 
Liberals are proud of their ideological indoctrination programs
(see?)
and find the Idea of teaching alongside conservatives intimidating…
Because they know that the teaching of Liberal Dogma is incompatible with education 
and conservatives make it difficult to cling to leftist ideology in the face of blatantly obvious facts.
The products of liberal indoctrination can’t spell 
but Liberals believe Self-esteem based on undeserved praise is all a child needs to succeed. 
Liberals often think they live on Star Trek
Where resources are made free by transporters and replicators
and where they are citizens of a world-wide government.
(see?) 
Which is why they think they are being patriotic
when they use their American freedoms
to undermine the efforts of the United States against an enemy.
In Fact, Liberals see American Patriotism as a problem 
caused by conservatives.
Besides, the United States is just like Nazi Germany.
Liberals often pretend to represent others
or pretend that they represent the American Way
When in actuality, they are directly opposed to the system the Founding Fathers Built.
Of Course, Liberals use a different Moral Standard for the United States than what they use for other nations
and they see themselves in, and therefore sympathize with, the terrorists, despots and murderers world wide. 
After all, Liberals are uniquely enlightened human beings
who will reflexively condone any evil, be it Despotism, Slavery, Torture, Rape or Genocide
in order to avoid letting their name be associated with War.
(They sleep better at night knowing they are only indirectly culpable for what goes on in the world) 
Liberals believe Peace Is the natural state
And that all conflicts are therefore premeditated and avoidable.
Liberals don’t understand the effect of incentives
and believe the real enemy is an emotion 
that can be easily defeated by a well orchestrated leaflet campaign
(art projects always make Liberals relax)
Ironically, freely expressed art causes our enemies
to riot and burn down buildings.
Liberals believe moral authority will win over military power in a conflict
Even when others in the world don’t share that morality. 
Liberals believe that if they imagine hard enough, enemies will simply disappear
but know Appeasement and Surrender will always work to end hostilities shoud thier imaginations fail.
Of course, if the President disagrees with this plan, then the President is an idiot
Likewise, if the Majority disagrees, then the majority of people are idiots
Of course, Liberals see no reason to submit to Majority rule 
But then, I am not sure Liberals even understand what Majority means (No Dictionaries remember?) 
Besides, liberals believe their morals to be superior to the will of the majority anyway.
And believe that overturning laws passed by the majority
is a valid exercise of their personal freedom.
Liberals like debate 
as long as it’s not Liberal Ideas being debated
Liberals believe risk-free recreational sex
is a Constitutional right,
as a liberal’s highest calling in life is having a good time.
Liberals are often confused by cause and effect, 
and do not see any difference between a criminal convicted of a violent crime and an innocent fetus
and are therefore proud of themselves when they avoid the consequences of risky sex by killing their unborn child. 
(though oddly Liberals frown on other people killing for recreational purposes )
Besides, just because a Liberal killed her baby doesn’t mean you have to kill yours….
Liberals think a fetus is just part of their body
that they cannot be forced to care for
but balk at legally giving a man a choice about using the labor of his body
to feed and clothe a child for 18 years. 
Liberals freely label anyone who disagrees with them a Hater.
Like the Pope. 
Or Condi Rice.
Republicans in General 
and of course those who question the propriety of Gay Marriage
In fact liberals beleive anyone who disagrees with them is an immoral, intolerant, war-monger who is 
cynically manipulated by others to be
too mean and selfish
to think or care about others
which is the only possible reason anyone would ever disagree with a Liberal
Consequently, Liberals want the Government to act as a Parent
And legislate
where people can shop
where they can build a house
What they can eat
(and how much) 
What they can wear
And how many lights they can turn on
what kind of car they can drive
what fuels they can use
and what fuels they can’t
(often without realizing where certain forms of energy come from) 
Liberals want to legislate where companies can hire
what wage they will pay 
and what benefits they will provide. 
Liberals want to dictate what is acceptable entertainment
who can provide it
and how it can be provided
Liberals wish to decide which recreational Drugs will be available
and where they may be used.
Liberals wish to control how pretty someone can be (wasn’t that the reasoning behind burkas?)
Or even what will be considered beautiful in the first place
They wish to decide which relationships will be judged acceptable
what religious beliefs will be acceptable 
and what thoughts are acceptable
It goes without saying a good Govern mental parent wouldn’t let its children play with guns.
In short, liberals think citizens are more Free when the Government makes their decisions for them,
as long as its liberals making the decisions.
Of course, Any resentment or opposition to these ideas must be because the Liberals are so much better
Liberals are very generous 
with other people’s money
especially since it’s much easier to take wealth from others than to work yourself. 
Liberals think it really sucks that people who don’t work don’t earn any money
and therefore believe a Barter system is really the way to go
Liberals think they should free of all the constraints and consequences 
imposed upon them by reality 
and the society in which they live
Of course, when reality turns out to not operate the way Liberal’s expect
or if the majority does not approve of they way they behave
Liberals blame the conservatives. 
or invent their own reality. 
Some liberals distort their reality to the point where pets
are equivalent to human children
and see it as a distinguishing factor that makes them better people
Some liberals believe Animals have the same rights as humans
and deserve the same protections
or better ones when you consider the unborn. 
Some Liberals even believe that Dogs have political opinions
( but they may just be under the direct mind control of their pets)
In any case, they are sure they are superior to most. 
